All the things I’ve lost - Kayla Tyrell

Nome: All the things I've lost
Autor: Kayla Tyrell
Lançamento: 2017
ISBN:B071JBZZNT
Páginas: 192
Edição: Inglês
Editora: Amazon Digital Services

Sinopse:

"Depois da morte de sua mãe, Katie, de dezoito anos, se encontra em uma cidade que nunca pensou que veria novamente. Perdida em uma crise e tristeza, um raio de esperança brilha quando ela se depara com Julian pela primeira vez em anos.

No entanto, ele não é o mesmo garoto que ela deixou para trás. Reservado e coberto de hematomas, todos em River Valley o evitam. Os boatos sobre sobre as suas atividades se espalham de modo desenfreado.

Apesar de sua atitude fria em relação a ela e sua própria tristeza, Katie não consegue impedir que seus pensamentos se desviem para seu amigo de infância.

Julian mal consegue se manter. Ele é o único que traz algum dinheiro para a sua família depois que seu pai a larga. Seus sonhos de ir para a faculdade estão arruinados. Até mesmo seu relacionamento com seu irmão mais velho deixa suas marcas.

Mas Katie está de volta à cidade e isso está mexendo com sentimentos que ele achava que estavam perdidos para sempre.

Eles podem encontrar esperança e amor um no outro, ou o esforços para sobreviver em suas situações desesperadoras é demais?"

Mais um livro recebido pelo Netgallery. "All the things I've lost" é o primeiro livro de uma trilogia. Bom, o livro foi curto demais para eu me apegar a qualquer personagem. 192 páginas passam voando! Enfim, o enredo do livro é sobre perdas e sonhos perdidos. Acredito que dava pra explorar mais um pouquinho essa história, mas vou ver nos outros livros.

Após perder a mãe, Katie Lynch vive em um estado catatônico, deitada no sofá de sua casa na Flórida. Sua avó materna está preocupada com a neta, então "sugere" que ela vá morar por um tempo com o seu pai, em Idaho. Entre aspas, porque ela já havia ligado para o pai de Katie pedindo para que ele a recebesse. Katie não aceita muito bem, pois quando seus pais se divorciaram, seu pai nunca mais falou com ela. Nem uma ligação, nem uma mensagem de texto.

Ao chegar em Idaho, o relacionamento entre Katie e o pai não é dos melhores. Ele tenta ser agradável e recuperar o tempo perdido, mas Katie ainda está em luto pela mãe e chateada com a ausência do pai por todos esses anos.

Katie começa a trabalhar em um restaurante que pertence a um amigo de seu pai. Logo no início, ela faz amizade com Gwen, uma das garçonetes do lugar. No mesmo local, trabalha Julio Alvarado, o antigo melhor amigo (e crush) de Katie.

Com a ausência de seu pai, o qual saiu de casa porque sua música não estava rendendo dinheiro, é o único da família que mantém as contas pagas com seu trabalho no restaurante. Seu irmão se envolveu com pessoas suspeitas após o abandono do pai e sua mãe parou de viver. Julian era o lutador principal da equipe de luta da escola e havia ganhado uma bolsa de estudos para a faculdade por causa do esporte. Porém, ele teve que largar de tudo para cuidar de sua mãe e evitar que ela perdesse a casa.

Eu não costumo dar notas nas minhas resenhas, mas também não sei ao certo o quanto eu gostei desse livro. Então classifico ele como um livro 3,5: nem bom, mas também não é ruim. Eu acredito que a autora poderia ter explorado mais o relacionamento de Katie com seu pai e de Julian com sua família. Ou eu que estou acostumada a ter mais detalhes nesse tipo de plot. Digo isso porque a perda de uma mãe ou pai deve ser destruidora; e o relacionamento de um pai ausente também não se conserta em 192 páginas.

O amor de Julian pela sua mãe e as brigas com o irmão também deveriam ter tido mais explicações. Isso porque o relacionamento entre Katie e Julian é influenciado por essas dificuldades que citei.

Um livro com a fórmula duas pessoas passando por problemas + se reencontram depois de anos + tem algum problema no meio + fazem as pazes.

Como é uma trilogia, vou ler os outros dois livros e ver se a fórmula muda ou vai ser a fórmula eles brigam + se separam + voltam + se casam + felizes para sempre.

(acho que ainda to com trauma que meus últimos livros não tiveram beeeeem um felizes para sempre LOL)

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Quotes

A month before, I had buried my mom, something I didn't think I would be doing at age of eighteen. Something I didn't think anyone should be doing at such a young age.

The parents of some of my high school friends, along with my grandmother' friends, made sure I had endless supply of . I was grateful, I truly was, but I wasn't sure if I could stomach another lasagna.

"I'm not ready."

"You're not ready," she huffed."Do you have any idea what it does to me? To lose my daughter and then watch my granddaughter wasting away?"

"I called your dad, and he's offered to have you come stay with him for a while.

"My dad? I asked confused. "Why would you call him?

(...)

This was the man who had basically ignored me for the last five years. Now he wanted to see me?"

Another deep sigh escaped my lips. She was right. I haven't done a single thing around the house. And, yes, I heard the mower outside the window. I had listened to my grandma washing dishes in the kitchen whenever she came over.

I couldn't answer as a flood of shame came over me. I couldn't even look at her.

About halfway through my senior year of high school, my mom was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer. She had expected me to continue as nothing had change, but everything was changed. I stopped playing soccer just to spend extra time with her. I did the bare minimum required to pass my classes the last semester of high school to help around the house.

I'd had been used to my mom doing everything for me. In those final months together, I learned just how much she did and just how little I was capable of caring of myself.

When she died, I was left living in the house she willed to me. I was essentially set, but my life felt like a hot mess.

It was strange to think how much my life was changed in such a short amount of time.

No one wanted to deal with depressed Katie Lynch and her dead mom.

How did you greet the man who had a part in creating you, but didn't care about you?

I hated that look, was so ridiculous tired of that look.

Pity.

Frustration flared in my chest, threatening to come out in a growl, as he drove us home. Not, not home.

My new house, which was technically my old house.

I wasn't quite sure what to call it yet.

I watched the mountains on the horizon. They were visible even in the city, and I hadn't taken my eyes off then the entire drive. They were majestic and powerful.

This room, this bed, is where I stayed the remainder of the summer.

My pillow regularly soaked with tears.

I mourned the death of my mother, the loss of my home, and the old life I couldn't go back to normal.

It had all started when my dad left a couple of months ago. He said his talent went unnoticed in this small town. No one appreciated his music. Fed up with everyone in River Valley, my dad loaded up his clothes and his guitar and disappeared.

We were all stunned. He'd been a great parent until then. Coming to my wrestling matches, bringing my mom flowers on his way home from work, asking Marco and me about our days. There was no slow descent into neglect. One day he was here, the next day he was gone.

About a month after dad left, Marco started acting strangely. As his brother, I should have seen it coming. He didn't take our father's leaving very well. The two of them were always close. With dad gone, Marco started losing his temper more often. He would pick fights with me for no apparent reason. Then, one day he left too.

Last time I checked, Mr. Lynch lived alone. He had never remarried and besides, this girl was way too young for him to be dating. If it wasn't a girlfriend, wife, or step-daughter, then who could it be? His daughter? Katie?

No freaking way.

I continued to stare, kind of like a creeper if I was honest with myself.

I was angry the guys had turned their backs so quickly, but I think I was angrier than I had ever called them my friends. The thought of being one of those guys embarrassed me now.

(...)

I had embraced being the outcast.

The problem was I was still the girl dealing with the loss of her mom, but now I was doing it in a city that wasn't home.

"Wait. Julian Alvarado?" I asked, even though I knew he had to be who my dad was talking about. There was no one else I knew with that name. Even in Florida, I had never met another Julian. His was still the most glorious combination of syllables I'd ever heard compose a name. It was like talking about a celebrity. You couldn't just refer to him by his first name.

Nope. He was Julian Alvarado.

I hated that I still felt that way. He had been my first crush. Apparently, that first love feeling never left.

"What the hell, Michelle?" I asked, lifting my free hand in question. "You know as well as I do I was born here, my parents were too."

"You're running around getting into fights and doing who knows what else. You're a danger to the community." She stopped and looked around before adding in a harsh whisper. "I wish you were illegal, so there was a way we could kick you out."

While it hurt like hell to feel abandoned by everyone I thought was my friend, part of me was grateful for it.

We had been best friends back before she moved. And there was a time when I missed her like crazy.

We'd go to these dirt hills near where we lived. It was a giant field with mounds of dirt piled all over it. We would attempt different tricks, pretending we were stunt devils or something. It's a miracle we never broke a bone.

Other times, we'd climb the trees in my backyard and jump off different branches onto the trampoline below. One time, she missed the center of the trampoline and busted her lip on the springs on the side. It was the most blood I’d ever seen at the time. I thought I was going to pass out. And yet, there she was the next day ready for more, stitches and all.

Unfortunately, I still felt lost in so many ways.

I knew the cook.

I would have recognized him anywhere, even without warning from my dad. Julian Alvarado.

He was the same, but not.

I nodded my head in response. I knew Julian was great. I just wasn't so sure about this grown-up version of him.

My first instinct had been to smile at her and pull her into a hug. Seeing my childhood best friend had both excited me and scared the crap out of me. So I had given her the welcome I gave most people.

Quiet and cold.

I wasn't ready to let Katie in.

Each time I saw him, my heart fluttered a little bit. It made sense, Julian was still the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen, except he wasn't a boy anymore. He'd grown up.

And much to my embarrassment, I finally understood how a guy could have a great butt. Seriously. I had never understood it before, had always thought it was an asset only appreciated by the male population. But jeans had never looked so good as they did when Julian walked away from the window to work on an order.

It was probably one of the best moments I'd had since my mom's death, enough to make me want to get back out there and start enjoying life again. I realized it was okay to have fun. Gwen and Mitch had become fast friends, and I enjoyed spending time with them. That day, I decided maybe my time in River Valley

It wasn't as if I was watching her. Not at all. I had made it clear to her dad I wasn't the guy to be looking out for his daughter. I still felt that way. It wasn't my fault my eyes had a mind of their own and would seek her out.

I would catch glimpses of the girl I used to know and think about how easy it would be to fall back into a friendship with her. Of course, that would require me to open up to another person besides Gwen, and I wasn't sure I was ready for that. I found comfort in my solitude.

Or at least I thought I did. I wasn't so sure these days. The way I reacted to Katie made me wonder if I was ready to let someone else in.

It's not like we were living in the dark ages. When I moved across country with my mom, he could have called or even written a letter. Maybe a text?

I was an only child; I could have easily flown out to see him during the summer. Or he could have come to see me. But when my parents got divorced, it was almost as if he was divorcing me too.
(...)

He would send me money as if that was a replacement for actually being a parent. I received two checks a year like clockwork. One for Christmas and one for my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I never had any trouble spending the money. What teen girl would? But I had been hurt at the time, and I guess I still was.

(...)

Sure, I had the things that secured my future, a padded bank account, and a house to call my own. But I would give them back in a heartbeat if it meant I could have her instead.

I wanted to talk to her. I couldn't explain it, but the more time had passed from that night, the more I wanted to let her in.

She was cold, but she stayed looking up at the stars. I debated on what to say when she let out the most pathetic laugh I'd ever heard.

"What's so funny?" I asked before I could stop myself.

(...)

I watched as they narrowed in my direction. "What are you doing here?" Now it was my turn to let out a strangled laugh. "What am I doing here? Last time I checked, it was my backyard. I have every right to be here. You, on the other hand." I instantly regretted saying those words, knowing I was provoking her for no good reason.

(...)

"Here.” I handed her the blanket and watched as she wrapped herself up like a caterpillar in a cocoon. She laid back and stared up at the sky. I hopped up and laid down next to her. Putting my hands beneath my head, I stared up into the sky with her. "What are you doing? It's the middle of the night."

"I needed to think," she said as if that explained everything.

"And Julian, this is going to sound so crazy. Like, I can't even believe I'm saying it. But I miss you. I think I need you to be my friend right now. And..." She broke off into violent sobbing. Not the delicate kind you expect when a girl cries. Not anything like the shaky breath from earlier. Her entire body shook, and she made horrible heaving sounds every time she tried to take a breath. Even though I had my own crap going on and I barely knew the girl curled up in my blanket crying in my backyard, I wanted to comfort her. So I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, ignoring the pain in my face when she bumped my cheek. I ran my hand through her hair as she curled closer to me. Her cries slowly became softer, and her breathing steadied. Eventually, Katie’s body relaxed into mine. And while I wasn't sure where they came from, maybe some hidden part of me that refused to be broken by my current circumstances, I whispered tender words into her ear. I told her I was here. I reassured her I would always be here and I hadn't gone anywhere.

I immediately missed her, though I couldn't explain why. Was it that I was just acknowledging I had wanted my friend all these years? Maybe I was starving for any human connection. Whatever it was, I wanted her back.

"There are just some things that make you feel better. Lots of ice cream, a good cry, and singing at the top of your lungs." As if to punctuate her point, she started back into the song seamlessly, this time clutching her hands to her chest and closing her eyes like she was singing to a sold-out arena. I felt sorry for any crowd forced to listen to Gwen putting on a concert.

I was still the broken little girl who still so badly wanted her dad's approval.

It had felt just a little too good holding her. She had been the one seeking comfort, and I found I wanted that connection too. More than she realized and more than I wanted to admit.

When I saw her sitting on the trampoline last night, I was scared I might try to take things further than she would be open to. I wanted to kiss her. Lose myself in her. But this was Katie, not some random girl.

She had been broken when I held her tight. I didn't want to take advantage of her. If I was honest with myself, and I didn't think I was ready for that, I had felt a strange connection with Katie.

Did I want to kiss Katie? Absolutely. Was it a bad idea? Probably. I could feel Gwen's gaze on me but didn't look her way either, afraid of what her all-knowing eyes would find.

I was curious but would give her this. I knew we each handled life's difficulties differently. Remembering my weeks on my mom's couch, I also knew I couldn't let her wallow in it. She had her time to cry, she didn't want to talk about it yet, and now it was time to do something fun.

We bought pencils, brushes, and even something resembling a torture device.

"Katie, I'm not the boy I used to be."

"I know that," she answered.

"I don't think you're the girl who left either."

Another sigh and then, "No, I'm not."

"Seriously, Rico Suave? You'd better be, because I don't give trampoline kisses to just any boy."

"I'm kinda hoping I'll be the only boy."

Katie was sitting on her porch waiting for me, bundled up in a warm jacket, hat, and scarf. It was only in the sixties. I couldn't wait to see her when it really got cold. She would look like one of those giant balloons from the parade they televised every Thanksgiving.

It was overwhelming. To think Julian had given up his dreams to take care of his mom. The love he felt for her, to put her first in the face of the trials he'd experienced these months.

I saw myself as the trusting boy. I saw my dad as the doting father. I couldn't bear to make a connection with the mother of this idyllic family.

Seeing them was enough to make me realize that I missed that bond, the special one between a father and daughter. It was time to address my relationship with my dad.

"You can't control the heart. You can't make it fall in love when it doesn't want to any more than you can't stop it from loving the wrong person."

"Um, Julian. What are we doing out here?"
His smile got bigger if that was possible, and he jumped up on the hood of his car with the blanket. "Come here," he said, patting the space next to him. He didn't have to ask twice.

(...)

"I wanted you to see the milky way."